My art ( Art as therapy ) Poetry & Paintings

My art.

( Art as therapy )

Observational art, from real life images, or raw emotion art, from my heart!

I use art as a way of expressing myself, and as an outlet to vent my emotions.

So far I have used pencil, charcoal, oil pastels, and water colour paints.

Very often I will notice the beauty in nature around me when walking my dog, such as wild flowers, and I will then take a photograph of those things that catch my attention and interest, and then I will draw it from my observation of the photograph, then create the finished picture later on at home.
This tends to be when I am feeling fairly calm or in a stable mood. ( That's what I've noticed so far when doing this.)

Then there is the other type of art, where I just use my imagination. No pictures, or photo's, just my raw emotion onto paper, again using any of the mediums mentioned above.

The following is a few examples of my most recent work.

This was a water colour from a photograph that I took. I drew  it in pencil first, from observing the photo, then used water colour paints to colour it in.

This one was created from memory, of a place I had been to on the Isle of Wight in England UK. It is of an outdoor swimming pool, with a view of the sea beyond. It is made using oil pastels.

This one above is what I described as my 'graffiti' art created using just my emotions alone. I created it from how I was feeling at the time. ( yesterday late afternoon, early evening )
( 17th March 2014 )
The other two pictures above are rather self- explanatory, but this above I would like to say a little about.
I was feeling extremely agitated, and frustrated when I created this.
I wanted to offload and express how I was feeling.
This painting started as cyclone-type spirals in black and shades of blue. Rather like tornado's or  cyclones.
Getting the 'picture'?
Sheer and utter TURMOIL is how I was feeling. See I have painted the word 'LIAR'? That's because I get unwanted negative nasty unhelpful thoughts in my head, which is due to the Bipolar. Thoughts and statements such as ''No-one gives a f*** about you, no ones interested in what you've got to say.......etc etc etc.......

I had drawn 'cyclone-type' spirals, with words to describe how I was feeling inside. I then took this flow of thought to create this graffiti art.

This is what I had written just before I painted this.

'' I feel as if I'm screaming inside, this awful feeling is so hard to hide.
I want to try and find a way to describe, this turmoil within.......like a tornado......or a cyclone.......I'm caught up in it's path.............and when it's passed.........?
I'm left with the aftermath.........
of what's left.

My face contorts with the agony inside.
Every fear I've ever known- is now magnified.
Treacherous, continuous, there is no end in sight,
only death itself will end this fight.
I want to cry, but I don't make a sound.
Only agony, silent, relentless can be found.
Deep down inside, where no one can see,
the depth of it's misery, known only by me.

WHY?     is it doing this to me when I thought I was doing so well?''


More Art.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 weeks after diagnosis- my progress- early days on bipolar medication & mood charts

5 weeks after diagnosis- my progress so far.

Hello everyone.

It's been 5 weeks since my formal diagnosis of bipolar, and so I wanted to make an update on how things have been for me so far while I feel able to.

I began taking 'Quetiapine' on Wednesday 19th February 2014.
Starting on a low dose of just 50mg, then gradually increasing this to 100mg,
over a period of several days and so on, until from Thursday 13th March I will start taking 300mg of Quetiapine, which is the dose that the psychiatrist wants me to be on from then on. I will have finally reached my required goal. ( medication- wise)

This medication made me extremely drowsy and sleepy with each increased dose. Just as my body seemed to get used to it, I had to increase the mg.

For a week following starting the medication I hit a terrible low.

I am writing this so that others may be encouraged that IF you feel you have reached rock bottom, with endless suicidal thoughts........HANG IN THERE......please........and please listen to someone ( me ) who has been there and understands.
THIS FEELING PASSES IN TIME. For me personally it lasted a week.

For me personally this terrible suicidal low lasted for 7 days from starting the Quetiapine. ( For those of you who are familiar with the bipolar mood chart, I was on 0 ( zero ) to 1 on everyday for the first week. I planned how to end the pain. I had a realistic plan which would have been 100% effective. No one would have known. Know one could have possibly disturbed me. I would have been found when it was too late. The date on which I felt this low and was thinking of doing this was 25th February 2014. The only reason I've written this is because I want you to know that I understand how bad it can get.
I tried to call the emergency mental health phone number, but the phone line was constantly engaged/busy. In the end I phoned my brother. He listened to me, that conversation saved my life.

Then I alternated between 2 and 3 on the mood chart until on 6th March I hit a hypomanic episode for 2 days/nights where I hardly slept on 7th and 8th March.
I slept for 4 hrs. on Friday 7th March, and 3.5hrs on Saturday 8th March.
So if these tablets are meant to help stabilise your mood, they certainly weren't  working effectively for me just yet!

I am yet to reach a steady even keel. I hope that happens in time.
Well, that's the idea. A steady even keel being numbers 4 to 6 on the mood chart.

For this month of March, my mood on the bipolar mood scale has been constantly in the 'yellow' of 2 and 3. This is known as mild to moderate depression. ( based on the bipolar mood scale )
I told my GP today that this medication has been providing what has felt like a safety net for me recently.
She said that I looked 'better'.
I feel 'better' at the moment, as in right now.
But I'm not taking anything for granted.
I'm so grateful and thankful to be feeling better than I was.
However, I know its still early days in my recovery.

Come with me on my journey to recovery, if you will.
If you have recently been diagnosed with bipolar, or know someone who has, then I'm hoping that my blog will provide you with some helpful information, from the view point of someone ( me ) who knows.

Here is a link to the Bipolar website where you can find a mood scale chart and also a mood diary chart. Both are printable, and can be found on this website:

www.bipolaruk.org.uk


As for Michael Jackson?

Have I 'got over' this man yet?

hmmmmmm.............

I'll let this song tell you the answer to that..............

and ps: I will try to make a you tube video of MJ using this song......does that answer your question?

 

 

This is the video I made using this song..........for Michael Jackson